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The Power Of Saying NO: (How to say no)

Does saying NO make you feel weird on the inside?


Do you squirm in your seat when you see people's reaction to that dreaded two-letter word?

 

Here's the problem...


When you say "Yes" to everything, you trap yourself.


Here are two examples of trapping yourself with the word "Yes".

Trapped with Yes - Example 1


Scenario Number 1:


Your manager asks you to do a project or assignment at work.


You already have a lot on your plate and need to focus.


Instead of telling him or her that you already have enough on your plate.


You say, "Sure, I'll do it".


After all - You want to look like a team player.


The new project takes you longer than expected, and you haven't made progress towards your main business goals.


Now you feel burned out at work.


Sound familiar?


How about another example...

 

Trapped with Yes - Example 2


Scenario Number 2:


You know you need to study for a big test.


But on Friday night, your friends ask you to hang out with them.


You have a fear of missing out (FOMO) and don't want to say no to them.


So you say, "Yeah, I'll hang out with you guys!"


By the time you get back home, you're too tired to study for your test and put it off for another day.


I've seen this scenario happen way too many times to count.

 

These are just two examples.


But I'm sure you've experienced one of those scenarios at some point in your life.

 

How did saying Yes too often work out for you in the past?


It made you feel good in the moment but burnt you out in the long run, didn't it?


The problem with saying yes too often is that you stretch yourself thin.


Instead of focusing on a few important things - You become a slave to a bunch of different things.

 

Here's a saying I repeat to myself all the time:


Under-Promise and Over-Deliver.

When you stop saying yes to everything, you're able to focus on the right things.


When you focus on the right things, you're able to accomplish them faster.


When you accomplish things, you become known as someone who gets the job done.


When you are known for getting the job done, you;

  • Get promoted

  • Build influence

  • And make more money


It's simple.


The less you say "yes", the more energy you have for important things.


The opposite of Underpromise and Over-deliver is:


Over-Promise and Under-Deliver

Overpromising and Under-delivering ruins your reputation.


If you're always stretched thin - how can you ever accomplish anything?


If you have 10-20 things to do every day - how can you accomplish all of them?


Even if you accomplish them - how can you become GREAT at any one of those things?


The answer is...


You can't.


Show me someone that has a laundry list of things to do every day and is a MASTER of any one of those things.


As the old saying goes:


Jack of all trades - Master of none.

The meaning of this quote is:


If you do a bunch of things, you won't master ONE thing.
 

You might be thinking:


"But Kaelan - It's hard to say NO to other things - I have so much going on."

I get it.


You have a bunch of energy, and you think you can do anything you set your mind to.


But how has that worked out for you in the past?


I'll tell you how it's worked out for me.


When I say yes to something in the moment, I TRULY think I can accomplish it.


But as time goes on - I get burnt out.


It only takes about 2 weeks to realize that I said yes to the wrong thing.


Then I have to go back to the person and tell them that I made the wrong decision by saying yes.


And that ends up being more embarrassing than just saying NO to them in the first place.


The problem was:


I didn't want to be rude and say NO at the time.


So I said Yes when I shouldn't have.


 

Do you also struggle with these things?


For some people, the reason you say Yes to too many things is that you don't want to come off as rude.


For other people, you don't like the awkwardness of saying no.


And for others, you might struggle with one of these things:

  • You don’t want to waste time on the wrong thing.

  • You're not passionate about anything right now.

  • You're in a relationship and want to spend time on that.

  • You don’t have the money and need a job right now.

  • You're traveling and don’t have the time to think about goals

  • Smoking weed is eating away at your thoughts and motivation.

  • You don’t have the motivation or discipline to stick with anything.

  • It takes too much work to figure out what you're passionate about.

  • It’s hard to set your own path in life - it’s easier to follow the path that’s already laid out for you.

  • You're taking care of kids, so you think you have to say yes to everything.

  • If you choose what you want, you don’t know if you’re making the right choice.

I get it...


Life is hard.


That's exactly why you have to say NO to distractions.


 

Here's What Happens When You Say YES to Everything.


  1. You study things that you don’t like.

  2. You spend time on low-level tasks that lead to burnout.

  3. You constantly run around the hamster wheel of 9-5, and a job you hate.

  4. You try new jobs that don’t lead you down the path you want to go in life.

  5. You go places you know you shouldn’t be going.

  6. You feel like you’re missing out on your calling in life.

  7. You waste time on conversations that eat up your time.

  8. You spend time with people who aren’t on the same path as you.

  9. You go down a path that doesn’t lead you in the direction you REALLY want to go.


 

Saying yes to everything means you lack direction in life.


If you say yes to everything - where are your boundaries?


I'm not saying that the word Yes is a bad word.


There are things that you should say yes to.


You should try new experiences.


You should have fun in life.


Don't close yourself off to life.


But if you want to accomplish anything worth having in your life - you have to learn to say NO to the distractions.


 

Here are The Benefits of Saying NO.


  • You'll study things that you like.

  • You'll work on your calling in life.

  • You'll love what you do, and you'll apply intensity and focus to it.

  • You'll spend time on things that bring you joy.

  • You'll master your craft, which means you'll make more money

  • You'll spend time with people you enjoy.

  • You'll work on projects that bring you fulfillment.

  • You'll know when to say NO to tasks that don’t move you forward in life.

  • You'll spend time on productive tasks that give you energy.

  • You create your own cycle of success and positive momentum.

  • You quit doing nonsense 9-5 jobs.

  • You'll work a job that leads you down the path you want to go in life

  • You'll do activities that you were designed to do.

  • You'll have conversations that propel you further into your ideal future.

  • You'll spend time with people on the same path as you.

  • When you say no to distractions - you can finally spend time (the only precious resource you have) doing what you were designed to do.

  • You'll go down a path that leads you in the direction you REALLY want to go.


Saying NO gives you the freedom to accomplish your goals in life.

 

But don't just take my word for it.


See what other people say about distractions:

 

In Drake's song "​Do Not Disturb​," he says:


"Distractions will do you in, in the truest sense"

This line has stuck with me since 2019.


praying hand neon signage
Credit - Chris Liverani

What Drake is saying here is:


Cut out all distractions if you're pursuing a goal.
 

And ​Dan Koe​ - One of my favorite writers, says:


How to waste your life - Be a slave to distractions.


Drake and Dan Koe are people who make a lot of money and have a huge impact on their industry.


If they say the same thing about distractions, they may be on to something.


 

So... What's The Message Here?


Distractions WILL come your way.


They're just a test.


Are you going to pass or fail the test?


Success isn't just about being gritty and doing the hard work.


Success is also about focus.


Can you stay focused on the right things?


Do you have the willpower to say NO?


If you do - You'll set yourself apart from the rest of the crowd.


 

My Personal Experience Saying NO


Trust me... you're not alone in the fight to say NO to distractions.


I have to remind myself to say NO all the time.


And there are times I don't listen to my own advice.


In the past, I've hung out with people when I know I should've been studying.


I've scrolled on social media when I should have been reading a book.


I've distracted myself with instant gratification instead of putting in the work.


Heck... I experienced it this week.


I was talking with two people who wanted me to do a Marketing Cloud consulting project for them.


Before I met with them, I went into ​Notion​ and wrote down my goals in life.


Here's what I wrote:


What skills do I provide to the world?

The skills I provide to the world = The game that I'm playing in the world.


How do I provide my skills to the world?

How I provide my skills to the world = My rules for the game.


When I got clear on my skills and my rules for the game I'm playing, I knew what I wanted - and what I wouldn’t settle for.


I went into the conversation with confidence and was able to say NO to anything that didn't align with my game.


It felt awkward as heck on the video call.


VERY AWKWARD.


But we left on a good note.


I felt powerful because I was able to say NO to something that didn’t serve my ideal future.


That conversation moved me one step closer to my ideal lifestyle.


And now I have more clarity about:

  • What I will accept

  • And what I won't accept.


I want to help you accept things that serve your ideal future and ignore things that don't serve you.


You ready?


 

5 Steps To An Intentional Life


These five steps will help you:

  • Cut distractions.

  • Create an intentional life.

  • And FOCUS on what matters most.


 

Step 1 - Take Control Of Your Life


The first thing you need to do is get intentional about your life.


I talked about getting intentional in the blog called ​Take Control Of Your Life​.


Do the exercise in that blog post, and then do the 4 steps below.


 

Step 2 - Set A Goal For Yourself


Once you get intentional about your life, you have to set a goal for yourself.


Without a goal, you'll be floating wherever the wind of life takes you.


To figure out your goal - Find out what inspires you.


Another way to figure out your goal is to write down what you hate doing.


What can you not stand to do?


Write that down and run away from that direction.


What is on your heart to do?


Go in that direction.


This step is easier than you think.


You can have a quick goal that you want to accomplish.


If you want to hang some string lights in your backyard - set that as your goal.


It doesn't have to be a big goal.


It just has to be something you want to do.


Once you know what your goal is... Write it down.


 

Step 3 - Set Clear Boundaries for Yourself


Life is like a ​video game​.


You have to set the rules of your game.


Here are two questions you have to answer if you want to set boundaries.


Answering these two questions will give you the rules of YOUR personal video game.

  1. Who do you work with?

  2. How do you do business?


These are the rules of your game.


These two questions will give you the answer to these questions:

  • How long do you talk to people on the phone?

  • What do you study?

  • What do you pay attention to?


When you get clear on your boundaries, you create the rules of your game.


Your boundaries are the rules you play by.


They're like the sidelines of a football field.


If you go out of bounds, you'll know it.


You'll be able to reset and fix things if you break your rules.


But you have to set expectations beforehand and follow them.


Here's a sample of what I wrote for my rules:


Who do you work with?

  • I work with companies to build automated training programs.

  • I work with people (virtually through systems that replicate me) to teach concepts that improve their lives.


How do you do business?

  • I create systems that replicate myself.

  • If it can't be automated or if the company doesn't want to automate - I don't work with them)

  • I don't show up to answer the same questions over and over again.


If a company doesn't align with my rules - I don't work with them.


It's a simple formula, but you need to write your standards down.


If you don't set standards - you'll keep burning yourself out, (and you'll keep wondering why you feel that way).


 

Step 4 - Keep Life Simple


Don’t try to do too much.


If you don’t have peace about a decision - don’t make the decision.


It's better to say NO and keep your peace than to say yes and feel uneasy.


If you don’t know which step to take - it’s probably not a good idea to make a decision.


Sometimes - the best decision is to say nothing and to do nothing.


Keep doing what you’re doing and practice gratitude. 🙏


Let your decisions become clear - then attack.


I heard Alex Hormozi say:


Warren Buffet spends, on average, 5 years to make a decision.


But when he makes a decision, it's better than 99% of people out there in the stock market.


Don't complicate life.


If you don't feel good about a decision, don't make it.


Move in the direction that inspires you.


As a side note:


Just because I say something, it doesn't mean you have to do it.


I'm only here as a guide to help you.


So is everyone else on YouTube and Social Media.


Take advice with a grain of salt.


But make your own decisions based on what you feel the most peace about.


And remember - keep life simple.


 

Step 5 - Be VERY Careful About What You Consume


This is easily the most important step.


What you consume applies to:

  • Food

  • Music

  • Conversations

  • And what you watch


Who do you listen to?


Are the people you're listening to pouring into you or draining you?


How much mindless scrolling do you do?


Is your TikTok addiction serving you?


Are you watching people that give you knowledge?


Or are you watching people that lower your IQ every time you listen to what they say?


A good example of this is on Twitter and Instagram.


I used to consume a lot of content on Twitter and Instagram.


And, of course, I read all the comments.


People would speak broken English in the comments.


And I found myself talking like that IN REAL LIFE!


It affected me without even noticing.


Then I started replacing mindless scrolling with reading books.


Not only has my thinking changed, but my speech has changed.


People ask me how I know certain words, and I tell them that I read books.


What you consume creates your reality.


As Jesus said in Matthew 12:34


"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh"

A simple way of putting this is:


What you consume is what you will talk about.

And WHO you consume content from will affect HOW you talk about it.


What are you listening to?


Is your music cussing and talking about drugs, alcohol, and needing someone else to be happy?


I hear a lot of “Feel good music” that doesn't leave me feeling good.


When I hear someone saying “I need you” in a song - that creates a spirit of dependency. Not independence.


You need God, the Son, The Holy Spirit, and yourself.


That’s it.


Everyone else is a bonus to your life.


Treat them as such.


Another question - What are you watching?


Are the movies you watch creating drama in your life?


Are you watching shows and movies where people are yelling at each other?


Does that content serve you?


Or is it making you a dramatic person?


I’ve seen this firsthand with myself and the people I love.


What you consume becomes what you subconsciously think about.


I could create a whole podcast, YouTube video, and blog about this one topic.


It’s important to watch what you consume.


Keep this with you wherever you go.


What you consume - consumes you.

 

Something To Think About:


When was the last time you said NO to someone?

  • How did it make you feel?

  • Did you feel awkward in the middle of the conversation?

  • Or did you feel powerful?

  • How did you feel after you finished talking to that person (or those people)?

 

A Word of Encouragement:


You can be whoever you want to be.


You just have to know who you want to be first.


And then you need to have the conviction that you WILL become that person.


You have what it takes.

 

Conclusion:


Alright - That's it for this week.


I hope this helped you think about the power of saying NO.


NO is your superpower.


Use that superpower often this week.


If it doesn't serve you and your goals - don't say yes to it.


What will you say NO to this week?


Let me know!


Kaelan Moss - MinuteAdmin Out ✌🏽

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